if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
