everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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