JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
