I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
whose parrot is this?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
