oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
