If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize