yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
