What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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