the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
