tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
