I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
