mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
