I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
