Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize