So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
