he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
