is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
