Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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