I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize