so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
