well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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