i was born a porn star she said
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
