The maid of honor just puked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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