forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
