i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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