i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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