small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
