There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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