Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
