I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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