Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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