I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
