I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
