i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
