Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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