Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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