That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
