bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
