The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
