I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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