yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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