My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
