They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
