It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
