I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
