What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
