I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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