I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
