She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
