I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
