We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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