We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she told me i tasted like america
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
