ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i drank out of a bidet.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
