When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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