1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
