Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
