I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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