Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
