i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize