he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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