i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
