You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
